The Trials & Tribulations of Mrs “Braai Master” in the making
- Nov 19, 2015
- 2 min read
Every woman has been told at least once in her life that she may not be “Braai Master” or even assistant “Braai Master” because we will ruin the meat, hurt ourselves(or others), or burn the house down. Most women don’t mind and would rather drink copious amounts of wine and chatter in the kitchen whilst pretending to make the salad. Those women are wise women!
The main motivation behind some of my funniest fails is a walking testosterone factory (a man!) telling me that I cannot do something because I am a “lady”. It is not in my nature to heed good advice – I am better at ignoring afore mentioned advice and rather doing what I think will irritate everyone more!
Following many failed attempts at mastering the Braai, I have observed the male species’ actions and picked up on the following traits (not yet put to the test)
Light the fire – male throws a few scraps of wood, and some newspaper together and attempts to light the fire. If that fails, he turns to his secret fire lighter apparatus – tea bags soaked in paraffin. Take care with these... I think this is where men forecast their home as nothing but a pit of ashes.
Cold beer within reach – male ensures cold beverages are always within reach, he claims it is to throw on flames when they get out of hand, but we all know the real reason.
Male waits around 20 minutes to let the fire breathe and get going, before adding some charcoal.
Testing the fire – if he can hold his hand over the fire for more than 10 seconds, it is time to cook! Although, men usually let the fire die and bring it back to life several times so as to squeeze in a few more beers!
Don’t flip the meat too often! I thought I looked clever flipping the meat every two minutes, I have been harshly informed less is more... but don’t burn the meat. “It is an art”
When is the meat cooked to your liking? Nobody really knows, by the time you finally get around to eating you also usually don’t care! I have observed that men slice into the meat and nibble on it to “test if it is cooked”.
If by some stroke of luck your guests are patient, consider resting the meat first (especially steak) so as to allow the juices to reabsorb into the meat.
Must-have side dishes – no-one can go wrong with garlic bread, potato salad and beer!
This step happens to be where the male gets creative; Have ample excuses ready should complaints follow the consumption of the meat...
The sun was in my eyes
The cooking utensils were not up to scratch
The beer was slightly warm
The briquettes must have been made in China
Sadly, after all this research I have concluded that ending your “Braai Master” shift after slaving over the fire, being covered in soot & smelling like a dirty ash tray (only to have some fusspot complain about your cooking none-the-less) is not as rewarding as I had imagined. I have switched over to the dark side and I am off to assist the ladies in finishing their wine!
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